Lincoln

When I watched Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter last year, I walked away from it with two thoughts running through my head. The first was that I was kind of disappointed in how it turned out, and the second was that I was ready for the real film about Lincoln's life to come out. A few months later, Steven Spielberg releases his Oscar-bait biopic Lincoln, with an all-star cast that includes Daniel Day-Lewis, Sally Field, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Tommy Lee Jones. After watching it, I want the vampires back.

There's a very distinct culprit making Lincoln an awful film. The blame falls entirely on the writing staff hired to write the drivel that I had to sit through. Firstly, anyone who expects to see a biopic about the life of Lincoln will be sorely disappointed. The movie should be called The 13th Amendment, seeing as how it only takes place during the period of Lincoln's life in which the House of Representatives were debating the passage of the amendment. But a misleading title is the least of this film's problems. Not only is the script a mockery of history, it seems to move like a gritty reboot of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. I started to get a feeling that every piece of dialogue was just an excuse to have Daniel Day-Lewis or Tommy Lee Jones eventually give a monologue about how great our country is or how racism is bad. It's not that I disagree with those ideas, but I got the point thirty monologues ago. Can we move on, please?

The only thing I can say positively for this movie is that the acting and wardrobe departments were fantastic. Day-Lewis gave the most amazing portrayal of Lincoln that's ever been captured on film, and the rest of the cast delivered their roles well. That being said, there's still a lot of overhype for some of the performances. Daniel Day-Lewis rightfully won a Golden Globe and a Critic's Choice award for his role, but the performances by Sally Field and Tommy Lee Jones should never have been nominated in the first place. Field's portrayal of Mary Todd Lincoln was cartoonish at best, and Tommy Lee Jones played...well, he played Tommy Lee Jones, and I don't see him getting any accolades for Men in Black 3.

After I left the theater, I felt like someone had played a cruel joke on me. Abraham Lincoln's life is one of the more interesting pieces of American history, so why this piece of garbage was made instead of a proper biopic is beyond me. I wanted to give this film a zero, but Daniel Day-Lewis was good. Really good. If you ever find yourself faced with the task of watching this film, take solace in that. So congratulations, Lincoln. I give you 3 trite morality speeches out of 10.